Something seemed to be missing. I couldn’t quite place my finger on it; it eluded me continuously.
My thoughts went something like this….
Something’s wrong, out of place.
What am I missing?
There’s something not quite right.
Have I overlooked an important event or date? Did I misplace anything?
I could FEEL it, but I just couldn’t put my finger on it.
Then it hit me, like a song you’ve been trying to remember for days. First a few bars of the tune trickle into your brain, then a word or two, and a few phrases, until you are singing the song again word for word.
It was my heart that was missing. My soul and feelings.
There had been a great disconnect. Like a plug pulled from an outlet and now you have no power.
How and when this happened, I’m not sure. All I knew is that it HAD happened and suddenly I was aware. I became aware that I was disconnected. From what was going on around me. The little things that usually bring a smile to my face had barely caught my attention.
Four ducks on the pond at sunrise. My daughter’s newest discovery of a bird’s nest. My son playing his guitar. How had I missed these important things? Why hadn’t they affected me as usual?
There it was again…. Another whisper of a thought, “There’s been a great disconnect.”
Yes. Yes, there had been. I had allowed my heart, emotions, and soul to become disconnected from life. From the big and the small events. From the good and the bad.
Like a shot of Novocain in the dentist’s office, I felt like I had been “emotionally numbed.” And I was realizing I didn’t much like it. I had allowed myself to go numb emotionally so that I wouldn’t feel pain or displeasure or disappointment or sorrow. That I would be disconnected from those things causing pain, displeasure, disappointment, or sorrow.
Needing to sort things through, I headed to the back pasture to walk it out and talk it out. Just me and God. My first question was, Why? And my second question was, How?
Why had I allowed myself to become disconnected? That was easy. Just like ignoring a toothache, I had ignored some emotional pain. It never goes away. We may be able to temporarily relieve the pain. But it doesn’t go away until it’s dealt with, usually at the root.
How had I allowed myself to be disconnected? By being selfish? Self-centered? Self-focused? Shutting out others? Distancing myself from everyone and everything? It usually happens slowly for me, The Great Disconnect.
But just like Novocain, the numbness DOES wear off.
I can only tolerate my own self for so long and then I realize there’s more to life than I have been allowing myself to live and feel. I get tired of ME and MY STUFF and MY NEEDS very quickly. We weren’t made for self; we were made for God and others.
Matthew 22:36-39 (NKJV)
“Teacher, which is the great commandment in the law?”
Jesus said to him, “‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.’
This is the first and great commandment.
And the second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.'”
Remembering to live a God-centered and others-centered life was my wake up call. It wasn’t the first wake up call for me and I am sure it won’t be the last.
Numbness and emptiness is NEVER worth the trade off of living an unfeeling, uncaring, unconcerned, unconnected life.
I have decided to keep the ups and downs, the pleasure and pain, the joy and sorrow of life. I have decided to try my best to remain connected and engaged and not miss a thing.
I choose THE GREAT CONNECT, not THE GREAT DISCONNECT. Who’s with me?
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